Everyone always wants to feel as though they are worth something. No one wants to feel as though they are nothing. It is the sense of feeling validated or wanted; anything just to make them feel good. This also applies when it comes to relationships. Emotions and knowing yourself play a big role in the positive effects in relationships. In a relationship there is the process of personal validation to accepting and knowing one another. Everyone goes through it so there is no need to feel bad. Have you ever been with someone because they made you look good or made you feel more as a person than you thought you were? This is the process call validation. It is when you are with them because they make you feel like a lot more, they make you feel great. Everyone goes through this; this is how you meet people. You do not be with them because you know them so well, how can you know them so well if you just met them 5 minutes ago? Knowing and accepting someone takes time, it is not just one of those things that just come naturally. There is no possible way to speed up the transition in a relationship from seeking personal validation to knowing and appreciating one another.
So many people have a negative outlook on everything they do. I have never once seen someone genuinely happy with what they do or who they are with. They usually grow to like what they are doing or who they are with over time. It seems as like they force themselves to like it. These people tend to be less happy with everything even their relationships. I recently watched a video in class about emotions. In the video, Tony Robbins mentioned that emotions are the root behind everything you do. He stated that if you can change the emotion behind what you are doing then maybe you will be happier. For example, when you see a 10 page paper you have to do for class and your first emotion is angry then you would wind up being angry while doing it, therefore leading you to be less happy. If you can convince yourself that the essay is not that bad to begin with and change your emotion into excitement then you would be better off doing it. You would be happier. Can you apply this same idea when it comes to relationships? If you can put forth good emotions when it comes to being in a relationship then the outcome will probably be good. The both of you may grow as a whole if you begin to think positive instead of negative and bring forth good emotions instead of bad ones. In order to do any of this you must know yourself first.
Do you know what makes you happy and what makes you angry? The things you like to do and the things you cannot stand to do? This is all about knowing your core self. In the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, he speaks about the core self. Ben-Shahar breaks down the many things that differ in relationships. He also speaks about core self. Core self basically talks about knowing yourself. You have to know what makes you the person you are today and the things you like to do. You have to know the things that you hate doing or the things that you would not mind trying. In order for anyone else to accept the things you like or the things you do not, you have to know them yourself first. This is all about your core self. How can someone else accept the things you like if you do not even know what they are? This process might take some time because people do not wake up in one day just knowing themselves; they have to try new things first. You never know what you like until you try it. After you know what you like and you do not like then you can work on being in a good relationship. You and your partner can both move on to the knowing and accepting part of the relationship.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought that they would be a good match for you but you never really knew them, they were just someone you thought would look good with you? When they go out with you they tell you that you are beautiful every day and boost your ego? This is called feeling validated. It really just means that they make you feel good or confident; it can be a whole bunch of reasons, you never really know them. Everyone usually goes through this so there is no reason to feel bad or ashamed. There is no way of speeding up the transition from validation to knowing and appreciating one another. This is a slow and steady thing. You just don’t walk up to a person and say “even though I only known you five minutes, I complete know and appreciate you” things don’t usually work out that way. In the happier written by Tal Ben-Shahar he quoted that Schnarch said that to cultivate genuine intimacy the focus of the relationship must shift from the desire to be validated ( seeking approval and praise) to the desire to be known. Schnarch also says in order for a relationship to grow both partners must be willing to be known, that means sharing their “core selves” , their fears , desires , etc. The relationship would mean so much more to you both if you are willing to be known instead of being validated. You both will have a happier relationship if you get over being validated and work on being known. This process takes time but it is all for the better.
Even though people always go through the validation process to transitioning to the knowing and appreciating one other it doesn’t mean you stay at feeling validated. Things will work out better if you just let yourself be known. You both can then start appreciating one another more than you thought you would. This will make your relationship better and you much happier. Yes, feeling validated is a great feeling but an even better is when you have someone that knows and appreciates you; they accept you for who you are. Trust me, I know the feeling and the feeling is wonderful.
So many people have a negative outlook on everything they do. I have never once seen someone genuinely happy with what they do or who they are with. They usually grow to like what they are doing or who they are with over time. It seems as like they force themselves to like it. These people tend to be less happy with everything even their relationships. I recently watched a video in class about emotions. In the video, Tony Robbins mentioned that emotions are the root behind everything you do. He stated that if you can change the emotion behind what you are doing then maybe you will be happier. For example, when you see a 10 page paper you have to do for class and your first emotion is angry then you would wind up being angry while doing it, therefore leading you to be less happy. If you can convince yourself that the essay is not that bad to begin with and change your emotion into excitement then you would be better off doing it. You would be happier. Can you apply this same idea when it comes to relationships? If you can put forth good emotions when it comes to being in a relationship then the outcome will probably be good. The both of you may grow as a whole if you begin to think positive instead of negative and bring forth good emotions instead of bad ones. In order to do any of this you must know yourself first.
Do you know what makes you happy and what makes you angry? The things you like to do and the things you cannot stand to do? This is all about knowing your core self. In the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, he speaks about the core self. Ben-Shahar breaks down the many things that differ in relationships. He also speaks about core self. Core self basically talks about knowing yourself. You have to know what makes you the person you are today and the things you like to do. You have to know the things that you hate doing or the things that you would not mind trying. In order for anyone else to accept the things you like or the things you do not, you have to know them yourself first. This is all about your core self. How can someone else accept the things you like if you do not even know what they are? This process might take some time because people do not wake up in one day just knowing themselves; they have to try new things first. You never know what you like until you try it. After you know what you like and you do not like then you can work on being in a good relationship. You and your partner can both move on to the knowing and accepting part of the relationship.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought that they would be a good match for you but you never really knew them, they were just someone you thought would look good with you? When they go out with you they tell you that you are beautiful every day and boost your ego? This is called feeling validated. It really just means that they make you feel good or confident; it can be a whole bunch of reasons, you never really know them. Everyone usually goes through this so there is no reason to feel bad or ashamed. There is no way of speeding up the transition from validation to knowing and appreciating one another. This is a slow and steady thing. You just don’t walk up to a person and say “even though I only known you five minutes, I complete know and appreciate you” things don’t usually work out that way. In the happier written by Tal Ben-Shahar he quoted that Schnarch said that to cultivate genuine intimacy the focus of the relationship must shift from the desire to be validated ( seeking approval and praise) to the desire to be known. Schnarch also says in order for a relationship to grow both partners must be willing to be known, that means sharing their “core selves” , their fears , desires , etc. The relationship would mean so much more to you both if you are willing to be known instead of being validated. You both will have a happier relationship if you get over being validated and work on being known. This process takes time but it is all for the better.
Even though people always go through the validation process to transitioning to the knowing and appreciating one other it doesn’t mean you stay at feeling validated. Things will work out better if you just let yourself be known. You both can then start appreciating one another more than you thought you would. This will make your relationship better and you much happier. Yes, feeling validated is a great feeling but an even better is when you have someone that knows and appreciates you; they accept you for who you are. Trust me, I know the feeling and the feeling is wonderful.
Hey Cey! My name is Alexandra and I found your essay very interesting and the paragraphs are organized well. I agree with you when you say that one must know the other person for the relationship to work out and it's a long process. I also learned that when one is starting a relationship with someone they should think positive for things to work out :).
ReplyDeleteEven though your introduction really grasp my attention I think you can improve it. Your first sentence is "Everyone always wants to feel as though they are worth something", I think it would be a better idea to change it up a little. Try to avoid talking for everyone (and don't worry about it I used to do it all the time). I can't find your thesis in your paragraph or maybe you can make it a little bit more clear. In this paper you are writing about going into a relationship thinking positive, core self and sharing your core self. Perhaps you can put all these ideas in one sentence and that can be a good thesis. A good way you can move from a paragraph to another is by using transition sentences so the reader can know what to expect. When you start a new paragraph try to start with a thesis of that paragraph(and later you can use these thesis to write your thesis for your entire paper:))like did for your first paragraph but you might want to take out "so many". I like the way you define words such as core self. When you write titles it is a good idea to put brackets. Also, I like the quotes you used but this one is a bit confusing "In the happier written by Tal Ben-Shahar he quoted that Schnarch said that to cultivate genuine intimacy the focus of the relationship must shift from the desire to be validated ( seeking approval and praise) to the desire to be known", a better way to introduce this is "Tal Ben-Shanar described Schnarch ideas...". Also, if you include a quote directly from the article you can put it in quotation marks and include the page number at the end:). In additon the use of "you" is a little confusing. Try not to write using second person. Your conclusion is written well but I found the first sentence confusing. Why doesn't a person feel validated? Good luck and I hope I helped you with your paper.
Thanks for the advice. You really did have some important things i needed to work on. I changed my thesis so people can have a clear understanding of what is it. Thanks again !
ReplyDelete:) I'm happy you found it helpful. That's good. The thesis is very important. I usually come up with it at the end when I'm done with paper(but everyone has different ways of writing). Oh and I'm not good when it comes with grammatical errors so I couldn't help you much in that part, but I don't think you had any. Good Luck.
ReplyDelete